Our Wedding Should Have Been About Us.

11.11.2023 ~ Our Wedding Day.

This morning I saw footage of a friend's wedding. Everyone looked like they were having the time of their lives. They all looked so happy for the couple. I hoped that was genuinely the case as pictures and videos only show so much. It made me think of my wedding day and all that usually comes with that thought. 

It was almost 2 years ago and a few months after it happened my counsellor advised me to write about it, to help express everything I felt. I tried several times since then but either emotions were too overwhelming or I just couldn't find the right words. 

Maybe this time will be different, I don't know. Where do I even start? 

From the get go we faced some resistance, which then snowballed into what was an extremely difficult and stressful experience especially for me. I cried so much for what was supposed to be one of the happiest experiences of my life. 2 days before the wedding, I seriously contemplated just cancelling the whole thing, and disappearing for a while. I told Nick, let's just elope. And although it was supposed to be a day that was about him and me, he could also see it just wasn't. My mum who was by my side through it all, was heartbroken to see me like that. I just couldn't understand how some people could make OUR wedding day somehow more about them than us. 2 years later, I still don't understand, to be honest. 

And here I was, trying to think of a good experience for literally everyone -- right down to me making personalized thank you cards for each and every guest. I came up with the idea because it was important to me that everyone knew how grateful I was for them making the time for our wedding. Some travelled from Singapore, Taiwan and Australia, one dear friend's mother was very ill and was told may not make it but she was there and another friend came with a broken leg! That meant the world to me especially when some people gave me what I felt were really lame excuses for not being able to be there.

I even made personalized thank yous for those who made it so difficult and stressful for us because I decided to put everything behind me and just enjoy the day, no matter what. Needless to say, I had no idea how bad the "what" would be. We really tried our hardest to focus on just us, but each time we thought we succeeded, the "outside noise" was just too much. 

We ended the night on a low note, and only found comfort in each other in the peace and quiet of our hotel room, where we cried and talked till 5am. And just when we thought it was over, the noise continued the next morning and left scars we carry till today. 

There are so many unanswered questions. Why did they think it was okay to do that to us? Why wasn't our wedding about us? Why even be a part of it when you clearly didn't want to? Why, why, why. But even though we tried, we got no answers. It was a heavy burden to bear.

But as time passes, I carry less of that weight with me and am able to focus more on the wonderful things from that day -- like how my friends all came and celebrated with us! They were truly so happy and excited for us, and ALL came up to where we were sitting (they couldn't wait for us to go down) and gave hugs, took pics and congratulated us! 💖💖💖

I think about those who did support us and do their best to make the day about us, especially from my family who actually helped make the experience a good one and made Nick feel as welcomed and a part of this family as he should be on that day (like how my Godpa would have if he was there) I am truly so grateful for that. 💖💖💖

Last but not least, I remember that that was the day I married the love of my life 😍

And how we had little moments of happiness when it was just us. 

Moments, just like this one.

We vowed that we will one day have a "re-do" of our wedding day, maybe when we renew our vows -- if we get there😅. Nothing in life is guaranteed after all.

But till then, we have our good memories to carry us through.💖